LIFE!

u have to know that she is not obliged to do that don’t you

actually my 2nd year has taught me quite a lot of stuff it has become not easy anymore… then i came to realise….your future is always in your own hands

u cannt just let it go like that… if your depression and failure thoughts are always with you when can they leave

when can become a happy person again if u dun take the hard way out, there is no way that u can feel better

hav to admit life always has downs… no doubt… how successful u r in life is how u manage ur downs and failure… and to tell u, u r not the only feeling this way there are a lot of ppl… this year i had that feeling… but i think to myself what’s the point to think like that why makes life so difficult by thinking all the negative things… why

set a clear mind now on what you want to achieve in the future….so that you will not regret…. why not*

There’s been an overwhelming of proj and assigs not to mention the mind-blowing test which is tough enuff to send any nerd to broke out in ‘cold sweat"? Which meanz, a mere average student like mySELF wud be in tremendous trouble?wudn it? gosh…i freakin fail d advanced pc, and was so narrowly crushed by Risk..when i see coursematez rushing stuff, my mind felt as if i’m in a swirl pool…really can’t focus on anything..the peer pressure is jez freakin great

I’m so freakin cranky prolly i feel I’ve neglected some1(u knw who u r?), well..at least i feel i do. So..erm,if i’ve been anyway close to doing so..i apologize will make it up to you when during the holz:P(tatz if i’m still surviving)

Exam time is over…well, for the time being, sigh, i didn’t do that well i suppose, it was difficult! seriously..but yeah, tried my best craMMPINGGG overthing in the last minute, hoepefully i pass!

I feel so nice waking up tiz morning, feel like my whole body rejuvenate from the strenuous study i’ve been doing, yeah…went to campuz for the fair thingy just to find out it’s cheapskate fair like any other secondary schoolz, went there for bout 30-40 minz then head back home(erm…after going to leez)!

Guess i can’t be free as i hope i’ll be? coz of peer pressure? there r still lotza stuff  to be done! Reflecting back on wot my frenz wud be doing i’ll start fearing for myself, not the typical "kiasu" character…but yeah, 100% peer pressure!!!

Had dinner at some restaurant just now, hahaha…..had lotza rich food, hmmmm…had tiz suckiling PIG? then tiz reli nice fish…called..err..some chinese name, then shark fin…pluz butter prawnz…the meal was heaven, but the dinner wasn’t…relative was there, so..like usual, bombarded with weird questions and comments..which i makez me really uncomfortable?it startz of with…oh, ur son look like jer(p/s: they never saw me b4?) just that this one, the cheek not red nia, whiCH reaLLY making me reD?

Well, thats not all, then throughout the dinner, they began praising sister for her outstanding result, then say "Oh..jer is on scholarshIP"??? government one someMORE…really not easy, then when finish studying, got job waiting dy? then they start wid wendy…saying she’s applying for JPA also..etc..etc. Seriously, i feel it in my blood, as if i’m the black sheep of the family, coz i’m the only who didn’t scored straight A1s in the family nor hoggin on any scholar which cud make my parentz pround? I’m not like jeolous on my siblings really..i’m just frustrated with myself…

Seriously..i dunno how to justify my disapointment, but yeah..gotta learn to live wid it? Sigh..i jez really dunno…is God making fun of me? whenever i began to feel happiness…its almost taken away..instantaneously? anyway, i still believe he has a plan for me..no point worrying nw

Had tiz terrible allergy..itcH! went to see doctor but wait for more than an hour..siGH! The nurse there really make me blush…sed " all ur son so good looking?"..clever also? goSH…my face turn red..but yeah, i don’t think i fit into that description…

Oh yeah..Doc sed there are various of ways of gettin it, but eliminating the rest..the remainder was psychology stress? For such stress..there’s only one person capable of doing? you know who you are?

Right..i end tiz day wid misery, but i’m going to pray for strength n guidance.

I’m so back to civilization, once again!!! Being 3 monthz in SOP and 2 day trip to Bario and Bakelalan is enuff to transform me into tarzan!! Living in a jungle state environment and moutainz reallyyy make me a Sarawak boy, cant imagine those peepz out there in the moutain live without electricity,well..there’z MINIMUM electricity(generated by GENERATOR)!

The nicest thing i can say about Bario is the climate. Its so windy, cool and nice..woah, a lil like NZ when i went in summer last year! and the peepz there are so friendly tat they shake ur handz n talk to u as if ur their close friendz?

Guess wot, gettin on the twin otter..i realized there were onLI 3 of us, freaked out a lil actually…hahaha, but found out tat its a cargo plane..so..feeling a lil weird, had the chance to see the pilot navigate the plane…lookz pretty simple to me, just pull to full throttle..then off we go~

There, we go round the place..WALKING..a good walk of 3 hourz, visit long house etc etc etc..take picz..etc..etc…then walk in complete darkness back HoME?Long house seemz pretty large wif all those kelabit o native peepz…lol, and there’s tiz particular family who wantz me to "pilih" bini from their race…terkejut ciN..but laterz they show me some picz…hMm, there r not bad-looking either..all fair fair 1

Then at nitefall, we feast ourselfs wid WILD BOARRRR..i was so hungry, i cudn care less..jez hentam the meat, altho tis like loaded wid fat n it feelz rubbery…had also the kijang souP..the "mouseDEER" soup…its so nice i thiNK its heaven food..i thiNK i drank the whole pot!

Next day, i had the ride of my LIFE…ride behind a motorsiKAL for the 1st time isn’t fun..especially when u hav loads to carry…gosh,pluz the road is made from stonez n mud, i grab the guys shoulder so hard..i thINk i must have BRUISE HIM..a lottt..hehe..then use the twin otter..flew to Bakelalan, find the place woRST than Bario..so much warmer..but then, i saw tiz girl who lOOK like SOng Hae Gyeok..the korean actress..wa, 90% identicaL!no kiddingg..

Dahla tatz all..ku nak tidur ni..cya!

Haven been blog-IN for a while now? So..erm..just simple scribble smtg down..eheh, not like any1 gonna read it o wot…

Haven been doing a lott of visiting..well..cud be counted by fingerz..i suppose..9 i thinK? BUt..ang pau has been..erm..grEAT!!close relative gave the most…somehow..wif the money, i feel like spending all of ‘em on stuff…i’m gettin more n more materialisTIC…

Next..i’m been so lazy tat i’m neglecting my industrial rep..siGH..was wondering i cud get it done o not..reli so muCH freakin stuff to type, draw..etc.etc..siEN cin…

Been eatinggg a lottt since i came back, ate curry the moST…practically ate that in all the "open houses"…heNCE, gaininggg a lottt of weight…speaking of gaining weight…it reminDs me of soccer, hey, if u soccer freakz out there reading this.."I wanna play ball"!!! Hehe…couple of dayz ago, played a lil, cant imagine i still have got the scoring touch…after so long tidak sentuh bola..scored 4!!! lol..altho it was for fun~

Going back to SOP on wedz..siGH again, gonna be so freakin boring there, but it really is a good opportunity to reflect upon myself..and yes..on the bible, been reading a lottt of God’s word there..coz practically entertainment was at its miniMAL..lol…

Yawn…tired cIN dy…wanna sign off nw..seeya

siGH..3 more dayz, i’ll be back in the jungle..loss in civilization-LESS wordl!!, practical routine which i hate most…cooking, washing and feeding ur bloody flesh to insectz..sorta wake up, brush teeth n drag urself into the office then resume sleep there(WITH THE DOOR LOCK..of course), read some materialz, talk, watch some movie(we bring our own comp to the office..kewl ayE?)..then tat day is sooN over…thiNK i hav to start to adapt to TAT really soon…

oh ya..did i TELL you? 2 weekz there and i loss a freakin 3 kgz..amazing hUH? but i gain it all back when i’m back here..within a space of 4-5dayz? reli eating like crazy..but yeah, gonna shed it real soon…wif typical vege meal almost all the time?

Let’z talk abouttt foodddd…..since coming back here, i miss all the food, perwira, 2002, miri cafe ..etc..etc!! so..i gorGE myself at any oppor…sigh,gluton-=sin!!! Had roast lamb yesterday…and sLUR*..the meat was a total heaven wif a dash of green mint…yuMMMMYY!!

LEt’s see..wot else, played ball today…played below par..n the pitch was freakin wet!!!ciz tat bloody huat..make me play defense!!! anyway..glad i finally kiCK the ball after so longgg..mayb i’ll play wit the native ppl back in S.O.P…if the pitch is not tat wet, coz its freaking hard to wash mY OWN clothes when it’s stain wif muDZ!!

Oh ya..new year resoLUTION!! make a top 15 list..which i hope to achive?top list is get a contact..been playin footie for agez wif a spec on..which reli lOOk like a typical nerd..hMM, not only tat, it kinda hinderED my potential..LOL, coz i’m so sure i can play muCH better with tat obstaclez!!!!!!!!!!!!

Orite..signing off nw..resuMIN watchin my tape!!

choW~

It’s been almost 3 weekz since i’ve lost contact wid the cyber world!There’s so many stuff to jot down, think i’ll need 3 section, each representing each week!(P/s: i jez want tiz particular section of my life be recorded)

First n foremost, Merryyy Christmas to all my dear friendz n foe’z, may God’s blessing be upon you~

Starting from the first week, i was in KL, shopping like crazy think i spend a lot, but the main purpose is to buy my sis laptop, wasn’t my first time to walk from wee hourz till evening, but..it still feelll so tired!!

Arriving from back to Miri, i quickly rush to pack my stuffz for S.O.P(Sarawak Oil Palm), i simply pack a few shirtz, pantz n a lil food…thinking food wud be provided?

After gettin the confirmation letter from the headquarterz, me, andrew n rocky head towardz to very destination tat awaits us……..

The techniqian Sl’ves showz us our "house"….to be honest, the typical house that i harbour is those similar to rumah papan..u knw…the toilet wif ONLY one hole in it?but..i was wrong..it was sorta a small single story house wid two roomz, toilet, etc!

After tat, we meet the pep-in-charge, Mr Thong, n Raymond(trainee), and they brief us bout the stuffz we’re going to do etc!

Rocky had to go back(Miri) to sit for his exam, so..me and andrew settle there by ourselvez for 2 nitez, those 2 nitez were pretty scary n painful..the very house we’re livin in..were eMPTY for one whOLE year..pretty provoking, aye?

So, we sleep on the matt(we tarik in out to the livin room, so there’z at least fan …cooling us from the humid weather…so, we( me n andrew)..so we talk bout all sortz of thingz…includin sad memoriez n stuffz…then at about ten, the attack comez!!so-call flyin antz..flying around then hinggap on our kin..and biTE! shit…painful cin..not one o two..but tonz!!so..we end up killing those insectz the whole nite!!

Next morning, we head to the mill, darn, it took us 20-30 minz to reach the mill(upHILL)!! 1st day at work..we practically read a lil materialz n sleep in the office…lol! we had biscuitz for lunch n dinner i thiNK..kesian ciN!

The 2nd dayz tat follow were of the same trend…

….to be continue

lookin bak from the begining of the sem till nw..i’m slacking all the way..like completely SLACK!orite forget it..its all my bloody fault..

lookin at the achievement i’ve accomplish…i think it’s the 2nd runner up placin in chinese league(altho i knw we can go furthur)..the rest is nil

I’ve been treating tiz week free like HOLZ, reading archie comicz and all the dvdz i cud get my handz on…

One major relief is that all the projectz are done wif…feel so aHHHHH, yesterday played futsal wif chem freakz pluz some other freakz..lol, rocky was outstanding?hahaha..funny

oh ya..i’m gettin fatter..darn, wif all those food i’m consuming, no amount of exercise cud combust all those fat

i’m prayin i’ll learn to discard the lazy spirit inside me..n start wif smtg, God helpe me!

What if someone shoot you wif a statement such as " you havent done anything to the team?" when in ur heartz of heartz you’ve been givin all you cud?

To be honest…i am deeply sadden by it, 1st i seriously dont think we should spending such extravagance of energy n time in moral studiez..in expanse on other much more significant subjectz?

2nd..which really infuriate me is tat some ppl jez shoot their bloody mouth off..without actually knowing anything?been asking around for the selling of cheesecakez..n it practically turn out to be beggin ppl to buy? I even when n ask mom n aunt collegue’s for it?(when to MAS today..n every1 shook their head when i state the price of the cakes…RM8!!!!!) wot do i get in the end? An unappreciated comment which "claims" tat i’ve done nothing?Shoudn’t tat comment be AIM for those who practically didn’t lift their f*cking fingerz?jez for the sake of selling ONE cake, i gotta fork out my money so tat i coULD SELL at least ONE?honestly..i find it ridiculuos!

Orite..forget bout it!!i could blow up if i continue talking!!i think i should jez channel my energy into something more useful…it reli isn’t worth my effort..folkz, i’m pissed…